Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Life is What Happens to You While You're Busy Making Other Plans...

John Lennon wrote "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans" in "Beautiful Boy", a song to comfort his son, Sean, after a nightmare. I don't know if Lennon came up with that motto himself or if it was an old saying from the ages, but whoever penned it - they were sooooo wise...and soooo right!
Well, I have a surprising twist in my life to share with all of you. After 7 months of a severe mid-life crisis, my husband of 23 years pulled his head from "the dark place" and asked if we could try to save our marriage. I told him I could see it coming for a few months now. He was calling me 5-6 times per day, making any excuse he could to come to the house almost every day, etc.
He and his "girlfriend" (quotes because she just kept telling him they were just friends for months and wouldn't let him come to any family/friend gatherings with her, used him to cut her grass, do work on her truck and her house, etc.) parted ways. So, then I had to decide whether to stay in the relationship with "Forrest", with all his baggage that was not getting unpacked or to try again with the man I've loved since I was 15 years old - the man with which I have two children and with whom I have built a life over the 29 years since we met as young teens. It was a tough decision, but I knew the right thing to do.
As much as I love "Forrest", like I said, the baggage was not getting unpacked - and let me tell you - no airline in the world would accept luggage that big and heavy. So, independently from making a decision about whether to try to work on my marriage, I had previously realized that I don't take to traveling much and I just couldn't check that enormous luggage into my life. I tearfully broke it off with "Forrest" a few days before I made the decision to try to save my marriage. We both cried and I still love and miss him, but I'm going to do everything I can to make an even better marriage and life for my family.
Talk about timing - Our final divorce paperwork was to be filed on August 3rd. Of course, I can't get inside my husband's head, but I truly believe he realizes what he almost lost - what our whole family almost lost. He has been showering me with affection - PDAs too, which always makes a woman feel good. We are talking more than we ever have - about a lot of different subjects we never touched on before - serious and silly. (And the silly is just as serious to me as the serious.) That is what I miss the most about "Forrest" - his "goofballness". And now that my husband is talking more, it has helped. We started seeing a counselor yesterday, which he would not even hear of when he first left in January. Like I said, I think he truly knows how close we came to losing all we've worked for over the last 29 years together.
One of our biggest challenges has always been money - or lack thereof, I guess I should say. That is one challenge that could make or break our attempt at dodging divorce. We now have about $2000 more debt in the way of lawyers fees. The lawyers & judge have agreed to let us put the divorce on a shelf until November just in case this does not work out, we would not have to start all over again. (Not that we are starting this relationship rebirth on a negative note, just a practical one.)
Our kids seem very happy the family is reunited. Our 11 yo son seems to have calmed down a bit and our 19 yo daughter, who when first told we were going to reunite, was obviously upset...okay, maybe overwhelmed is a better word. But she came to our house with a few of our other close friends when my husband put my wedding rings back on my finger and I put his back on his when he asked me to be married to him again. And she seemed like her old self. She and her boyfriend also went to a free concert with us this past weekend, went to our country lot and rode 4-wheelers with us and then back to our house to grill and the kids swim. She seems genuinely happy with it now.
So, in a nutshell, please keep my family in your prayers. I am hoping since things will hopefully start to level out and our new relationship and family dynamics will improve my frame of mind, that I can get back to martial arts. It has been months since I have been able to concentrate enough to do anything plus all the stress has affected me physically and there were alot of times my mind was all psyched up for class but my body resisted by throwing me a cough, terrible headaches and then there is my bad knee that gives me trouble off and on.
And I'll end like I began - even though my husband's and my plans are to work on our marriage & make it even better than it was before, sometimes it's as simple (and as complicated!) as John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

4 comments:

Cheri said...

As I said on my blog, I wish you and your family the best as you move forward from here. It's not easy breaking off with someone you truly care about. You have to follow your heart about what's best for you and yours.

I'm very happy for you. :D

Martial Arts Mom said...

Thanks again, Cheri. It was/is very hard. But I had to do what I had to do, right?

Becky said...

I'm so glad things are working out for you! I pray that you will come out of this stronger than ever.

Perpetual Beginner said...

Both fingers crossed and all my prayers. I hope both of you individually and your relationship as well come out of this crisis stronger than ever before.